Cityqueen's Journals

My once in a while post

I can't stay away from here for too long. I feel so out of the loop at times. I miss this. Haha, I seem to say that every time I come on here. "I miss this"

I'm bored, very bored. Regardless of the fact that I have a giant website that needs to be created breathing down my back. But I have to pee. So I tell myself Ill do it after I pee. But I'll just not pee to avoid it. I can get 500 pages done by Friday. Cake.

Heh, I feel like a comedian, trying to come up with shit to talk about. Shit to make you laugh. Hell, maybe I'll pull a Carrot top and whip out some props. And then go insane with some barbells. ... Nah.

Laughing yet?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I'm working on it. Maybe I'll make a comeback...But don't call it one.

[This sucked. I wasted like 57 seconds of your life. I apologize. *Cries in a corner*]

Inverted

Silent streaming sunrise beaming

Tears raining skilled from training.

Same old me, brand new face

Recoil the steps at a steady pace.

A rushing epiphany, it appeared to me

radiating perfect clarity

Question is, "Who am I today?"

Answer being "Only the catscan can say."

So press your head

Tune in to the noise

Refuse the pills

Keep your poise.

You can open the door

But you can't get in

You're unable to pass

with that wicked sin.

We talk to ourselves when we're all alone

Hearing a voice makes us feel like we're back home.

Take comfort in the pain that others feel

Being empathic makes it so easy to steal.

Pressure on the pulse point, stress levels red

Feeding off pain while entangled in your head.

"Silent as the grave"

Takes on a brand new meaning

Lost life and ambitions

Emit cries and groans in a streaming.

I can open the door,

But I can't get in

No one really knows

Just how hard it has been.

Its in the stars, everything I need

"Take what you need" results in greed.

Filling hands with silver

When you could have taken gold

Regret is all we have left

Digging nails into it as we hold.

I'm still a Glorified Disaster

You're still a crack in the earth

Some things will never change

We'll always know what we're worth.

So darkness surrounds

The cliche can begin

Eastern exposure means nothing

If the sun has turned in.

My mind becomes something you wish you had

This chaos is perfectly enveloped

Oceans of illogic sway and tumult

My Heart Is A Darkroom Where Negatives Are Developed.

Thoughts, The

These are the thoughts you wish you could record. The second you go to put them on paper, they disappear. Back into your mind, under a rock.
You don't scream from pain, anymore. It only validates your refusal to accept your own life. Screaming is refusing.
I wonder how all those people live their happy lives. How do they know they're happy when they've never had anything worse to compare it with?
But you shrug. Not knowing is okay. Imagination fills in the blanks. Only if you remember to.

Blah blah biddy blah

No one will read this, but I wanna post for the sake of posting.
I haven't been on buzznutters in a while. Things have changed a lot on here. Its a nice marketing machine now, how lovely. Its lost the intimacy it used to have, and I miss that. :(
I miss it all, on here. Good old days. But all good things come to an end.
Ive learned a lot, since I was on here all the time. Ive changed a lot. You can almost say that I'm a practically different person. Dunno if thats good, but I'm finding out. Yep.

I'm Here

Its been a long time since the days when i came on here every day. I miss it a lot, so I'm coming back. I don't really know anyone any more, but I'm okay with that. Its time to make new friends(or enemies) Ive been living under a rock for a long time, and I'm ready to live again. Its weird, but i can do it i guess. I can't suck at living, because life is really short. I might die tomorrow, or tonight. I'm afraid to die because i don't know whats waiting there, on the other side. I don't want to be unable to feel the wind, or the warm rays of sunshine. I don't want to be unable to hug and kiss my sister and tell her i love her. I need to make the most of this life, because when i die, its over. You only get one chance. We are all living right now, and that's only temporary. Look around at all the graves, and know that that is all you have to look forward to. Like a phoenix, Ive been reborn from my ashes. "Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead"

The Pull String

its like, 320 am, and i am so.damn.bored.

finished my math chapter, and i can take the exam now, but i need teacher passwords to get to the exams, so now all i can do is wait until monday

waiting, its kinda boring.

and i cant adjust this screens brightness, so im pretty much being blinded to death as i type this. but that wont stop me. oh no no no

this is gonna be a blog, i guess, a journal

i took off this weekend to watch the kiddies while the rents goto AC and have fun. i blew about 200 bucks tonite. my idea of fun, i guess

brought the sistas to chilis, ate a fajita pita with the awesome blossom sauce. ohhhh god, i love that stuff

i could drink it.. no, actually, i did drink it....

embarassed my sisters quite a bit

i said "its payback for being seen with you two on a saturday night"

love em both though

xoxox

this post sucked

Souled Out

You take the flower,

but you don't know what it means

It's stunning beauty deafans you

so you can't hear the screams.

Keep, Keep it, Keep it safe

Trust it with your life, fill it with faith

It owns your heart, life and soul

it would be unwise to let it go.

Golden epiphany

silent as the grave

the rise of the moon

beckons you as a slave.

I dropped my map

lost my way

the creatures of starlight

set out to play.

i dug my grave

for death is impatient

protect your flower

for this is important.

If you dont, then you'll fall throught the sky,

with all of the greatest moments passing by

Now loved ones are dead

graves grow cold

and your body remains

because of the flower you didn't hold.

You lost cause,

You're souled out

didnt you see the light?

or feel death's hand?

didnt it strike you as odd

when you stood but didn't stand?

Wear the death.

Bear the death.

Share the death.

The passing of a flower never seemed so sinister.

xxoo

like that kid with no soul

let me make this a blog
ive been riding on a horse aimed straight toward hell....no, wait, im already in it. nevermind. my car died, and im in the hole 77 dollars. i had to buy a new alternator. and gee, what luck! my car requires a pretty damn expensive alternator! my pay check will be kickass though, so i dance for that one. drawback is, i get paid wednesday, and i need money now. goddammit.

hmmm oh! i went to an adult shop with a few of my buddies the other day. one of em, arthur, he who holds my attention pretty well ~~since hes sexy~~, due to the fact that hes possibly crazier than me. any way, he paid for a faaabulous little gadget, for me, which tickles......a lot. hahahaha, it can make you orgasm instantly. yep. i was thinking of wearing it under my clothes, but i dunno, walking around on the job while O-ing might seem suspicious. Id get drug tested...which i would pass. no doubt.

Overall, ive been terrible, however. i lost someone who held my heart, somone whom i loved more than anyone. and since she wont see this, i wont keep myself from saying anything. i still love her, but i think that she is the most sadistic bitch ive ever been friends with. even my friends who have physically hurt me were better than her. she tore my heart up and didnt even tell me why. and its hard for me to live, without her. its hard for me to not know if shes okay, to not know how she is. and this may sound redundant, and cliched, but oh well, i cry myself to sleep every night, i cry whenever i think about her, and how she so nonchalantly threw me away. i thought we had something special, but i guess we didnt. i was just another stop on the road, i guess. what a priveledge, huh? to be able to kill off your best friend and not care at all.
music has been ruined for me. i cant hear ONE song and not think about her. not ONE. If anyone needs classes on ways to successfully break someone down til they regress to cutting, and overmedicating, i think you should see her. Bitch Extraordinaire.
xxoo

My Point

I fought forever that night

and they never seemed to stop coming

i repeatedly stabbed them to dust

and the victims just keep on running.

Feel the steel

of my favorite blade

die the death

of which to you i have laid.

I got you hard

you got me revealed

i rode you until your debt was sealed.

You couldnt move

as i walked away

you felt my blade in your chest

as your sight faded away.

Ohh god, it gets me so fucking hot

killing you in the moment

licking the blood as it streams off your chest,

removing myself from your unit.

"We should do this again sometime"

"Sure thing baby, now close your eyes".

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Hate At First Sight

Fleeting thoughts of pure dislike

silent wishes of death on another

baby, this is hate at first sight

And it only gets worse as it moves on further.

I walked in the footsteps i stepped on before

i felt the emotions they left behind

they sat there spreading hate and love

but nowhere to be seen was a "Beware" sign.

Ill spread my hate

and ill spread it quick

i want you to feel it freeze your heart.

I'll spread my hate

and i'll spread it quick

i want to watch it tear you apart.

You thought you were the first

but you were oh so wrong.

You thought i was the worst,

but the worst is just to come.

The letters you sent

the ones with the blood

are in the fire

burning under the wood.

So drag your heart out with your own clawed nails

take your eyes out, too

and leave me here, alone now

as i forget everything about you.